How Did I Take Charge of My Own Emotions?
You may have noticed that whenever an emotion (mostly negative ones) hits you, you start giving charge of your emotions to others. Here I will be sharing my personal story of how I took back that responsibility of my emotions from others and how I was able to make it a sustainable habit.
I see people around me cribbing about their managers, family members, partners, children, parents, and so on and so forth. They usually say:
“I am stressed because my manager didn’t acknowledge my work and he is a very insensitive person”
“I am unhappy because my kids don’t listen to me.”
“I am sad because my partner doesn’t have the time for me as he had earlier.”
“I am unlucky to have parents like them, they never understand me.”
The above statements seem quite familiar to you. Am I right?
I guess, yes.
Nowadays you may have people around you who are unhappy or stressed because of someone else. I am writing this because I used to belong to the same category.
Hahaha
I had a tendency to blame others for how I was feeling and I didn’t take it wrong because I used to think that others should behave properly. “I am not at fault, why they are doing this to me?” “I am fulfilling all my responsibilities, then why they are not happy or making me feel special?” “Why can’t they behave like me?” “Why do they always try to make me cry or get angry?” blah blah
These questions always made me feel like a victim and did not take me anywhere. I tried to suppress my emotions sometimes but ended with more stress. I found myself a helpless victim who had failed in life.
The self-help books gave me a temporary solace but I was in search of a permanent solution.
You might heard this line “If you find all doors are closed for you, then from somewhere you find a light is coming from a hidden door.” Though I believe in this line, but believing and accepting are two different aspects.
Recently I found that door. Yes, it’s true.
I saw that light from my hidden door when I started sitting in silence. It’s a very automatic process. When you start sitting with yourself, without any distraction, you start automatically looking within yourself, observing your mental chatter and your emotions.
I can say that because I experienced it. Sitting with myself gave me a new direction to my emotions. I realized that I am very peaceful when sitting in silence, and this is the emotion I created for myself. Nobody compelled me to feel peaceful, and then I questioned myself. If I am responsible for my peacefulness, doesn’t it mean that I should be responsible for my other negative emotions?
This question made me think deeply and I started experimenting with this statement. Whenever I feel angry, sad, or stressed, I start thinking twice before reacting to that emotion. Is it me who is responsible for my anger or stress? Do I have other choices other than reacting to those emotions? My answer is always yes, in my case.
I know, there are some people or situations around you who try to make you feel angry, but it is you who always have a choice to respond to those toxic people without wasting your energy.
I know it’s very easy to say but hard to become mindful of your emotions. But believe me, it helps. Here are my self experimented methods to take charge of your own emotions:
- Be mindful and think twice before reacting, it will give you some time to breathe.
- Practice deep breathing 1:4:2 technique, where you will exhale the double of inhalation and pause for some time before exhalation.
- Be consistent with your practice, don’t assume that you will change overnight.
- Try to write your emotions.
- Engage yourself in some creative activities that you like. In my case, I do Mandala art.
I hope my writing helped you in some ways.
Keep learning and be blessed :)
