7 Things I Learned While I Started Sitting with Myself

If you are struggling with the chaos around you, then my life learnings will help you to deal with that chaos and get peace within yourself.

I almost spent the last 40 years finding peace and happiness. I read a lot of self-help books, listened to motivational podcasts, attended yoga retreats, spent a lot on myself in the name of self-care, took solo trips, etc., etc. But nothing could help me out.

Recently one fine day, I was at that point where I was just about to end my life because of some marital life issues. It was not the first time that I was stressed about my relationship issues. Earlier I used to cry badly when I had a fight with my partner. But this time I was not crying. I was just thinking and thinking about ending my life.

I was all alone that day and I was neither in a mood to talk to anyone nor to listen to any music. It was raining heavily outside, my favorite season. Rains usually make me feel happy because I have some beautiful memories attached to it. But today rain is not helping me to uplift my mood.

Many questions were hovering in my mind like a whirlpool and I was feeling myself sinking in that whirlpool. I kept sitting and thinking of life. Then at one point, I realized that I had nothing in my mind to think about. My mind became blank. Now I was just sitting without any thought.

After some time I realized that the rain had stopped and the night had already approached. I watched the time on my mobile and was shocked that I was sitting there for almost 1.5 hours. And then I went to my bed to sleep.

From the next day onwards, I felt some changes in my behavior. I was feeling peaceful and content within myself. I first forgave myself and then started forgiving people around me. On that day I started reading and understanding the teaching of Bhagwad Geeta.

I heard a lot of Bhagwad Geeta from the Gurus but never tried to understand it. But after started reading it I realized what I was missing in my life. I was getting more and more clarity about life and myself. Now I am able to see things from a different perspective.

I am not saying that sitting for those 3 hours had changed my life, but yes, it gave me a new perspective to think. From that day onwards I started sitting in silence every day for at least 30 minutes and am planning to continue this practice for life.

After giving a long background, let’s come to the point, where I want to talk about my learnings from sitting in silence. so here we go:

1. You are not your emotions

Whenever we are happy or sad, we find ourselves attached to that emotion. It is true with every human emotion. Sitting in silence made me realize that you are not your emotion but more than that.

Having emotions is not a negative thing. I consider myself an emotional person but attaching with emotion can cause you stress. Detachment of any emotion can give you a new perspective of the situation or the people. During my practice, I realized that this emotional detachment helped me to become more aware of the practicality of life.

2. Don’t try to change people

For the last 10 years or so I have been struggling to change people around me by thinking that if they become like me, I will be sorted. But life doesn’t work like that. Every human being is playing their role on this earth and they have their own notions and behavior patterns which they have built over years.

How could you change that? If you try to change others, you will end up hurting yourself. So my practice helped me to accept people as they are and put my energy to work on my inner growth.

3. You are enough for yourself

We all humans are afraid of being alone. So I was. Since my childhood, “I have kept telling myself that I can’t live alone.”, “My life is a waste without having people around me.” That fear overpowered me and I started afraiding more and more when I grew up.

I read many quotes and books on “How to enjoy your own company” but never gave it a try. I always needed someone to push me, I always needed someone to love and care for me but never loved, cared, or pushed myself.

Practicing silence taught me that you are enough for yourself. Having people who love and care for you is always appreciated but enjoying solitude gives you immense pleasure if you follow the above 2 points.

4. Nothing is permanent in this life

You have heard a lot about this phrase, that nothing is permanent or this shall too pass. So did I. But have you ever tried to understand it? Maybe yes or maybe not. During the Covid time, when everyone was panicking, some people were also saying “This is a bad time but this shall too pass.” This sounds good for ears but at the same time, we are all bound with our emotions of getting worried.

So here Bhagwad Geeta helped me to understand that whatever bad or good situation I have right now will not be forever. If I am having a bad time today, a good time is in the queue to come next. But We have to be unaffected by good or bad because both of them are impermanent.

5. Everything happens for a reason

In my whole life, I stick to this sentence that whatever happened to me, happened for a reason. But the problem is that when you are in a bad situation, you forget about everything and just feel like a victim. I was the same. Though I believe in this sentence but never tried to understand its deep meaning.

Sitting with myself, helped me to find some good things that had happened to me, during my tough time. Today I realize that if the situations were in my favor, I never grew this much as I can see myself today.

6. Accumulating things and emotions always make you weak

Have you ever thought about how many unnecessary things and emotions you are carrying with you? Let me tell you my experience. I used to be a person who never accepted my looks and body because I was seeing myself from the eyes of other toxic people around me. I kept blaming myself for looking ugly and for being fat. This made me lack of confidence.

I started doubting myself and start accumulating things that could improve my look. I spent a good amount of my money on beauty parlors, beauty products, branded clothes, footwear, and other accessories. But none of them helped me to improve my self-confidence. During that period I also accumulated a lot of negative emotions within me like anger, jealousy, complaining, comparison, blaming, and many more, you just name it.

That accumulation made me feel heavy on my heart, I always carried the baggage of that heaviness with me. Branded stuff didn’t help me in my personal development.

After the struggle of so many years, I finally realized the reason for that heaviness and that was not accepting myself as I was. When I start accepting myself, my body, my looks, etc., I feel that I am beautiful and I don’t need unnecessary luxurious stuff to make me look beautiful. I become more mindful of spending my hard-earned money to please others.

It doesn’t mean that I become a sage or not buying stuff anymore. I still buy branded clothes and other stuff but now I buy mindfully. I developed a practice of asking myself a question before having any materialistic thing or emotion for myself “Do I really need that thing or emotion.” If my inner voice says yes, only then I proceed with that thing or emotion.

7. Peace is not an outside thing to achieve

If you already read the above six points, then you might have realized that peace is not a thing that we can buy or get from someone. It is our own journey inward that can help you to get that.

From my personal experience, I found that we all humans try to find peace in things, people, and places. But believe me, these are just temporary pleasures. If you are not at peace with your current situation or current place, you will be longing for it forever.

Disclaimer: I am not a priest or a motivational speaker, but whatever I am sharing, are my personal life experiences.

Thanks for reading, if you have learned something from my life, then my purpose of writing this article has been solved.

Keep learning and be blessed always :)